– By Micaela Maringa, Content Manager at PMAC (Psychologically Making a Change) Training and Consultancy
Domestic abuse doesn’t stay at home. It shows up at work in quiet, often hard-to-name ways. As a line manager, you may notice changes in the behaviour, attendance, or confidence of a member of your team, and feel unsure about what to say or do to address this. That hesitation is human. But the right response, even a simple one, can make someone feel safer, seen, and less alone.
This blog shares some practical guidance to give you confidence in responding to employees whom you suspect may be experiencing domestic abuse, focusing on practical language, clear boundaries, and what to do next, so you can support your team with care – without overstepping or feeling out of your depth.
Spotting the signs without jumping to conclusions
Domestic abuse rarely announces itself clearly. More often, you’ll notice small shifts, things that feel “off” but are hard to pin down. It might be a usually reliable employee missing deadlines, seeming distracted, or becoming unusually withdrawn. You might notice that they are receiving frequent texts or phone calls, anxiety around calls or messages from a partner, reluctance to participate in social activities, or a preoccupation with leaving work on time.
On their own, these changes can mean many things. What matters is the pattern.
If you’re concerned, focus on creating a safe, private space to talk. You don’t need the perfect words, just a calm, open approach:
- “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately. How are things going for you?”
- “If anything outside work is affecting you, you don’t have to handle it alone.”
Keep the conversation gentle and be led by them. You’re not there to investigate or confirm anything. You’re opening a door. Whether they choose to walk through it is up to them. It is also a good moment to remind your colleague that there is workplace support for various life challenges or wellbeing issues listed on your intranet (and share this with them in an email).
Responding with care (and clear boundaries)
If someone does share that they’re experiencing domestic abuse, how you respond in that moment matters. Feeling believed and supported can make a huge difference to victim-survivors of abuse, especially as they may already feel controlled or unheard elsewhere.
Research from the Office for National Statistics tells us that domestic abuse affects millions of people across the UK each year, with many experiencing ongoing psychological and emotional harm, as well as physical abuse. This can have a direct impact on concentration, confidence, and overall mental health at work.
Your role isn’t to fix the situation. It’s to listen, respond with care, and stay within safe boundaries:
- Listen without interrupting. Let them share what they feel comfortable sharing.
- Believe and validate. A simple “I’m really glad you told me” can reduce feelings of isolation.
- Avoid judgement or pressure. Leaving an abusive situation can be dangerous and must be planned with care. Many victim-survivors will not have an immediate wish to leave, nor may they be able to for various reasons.
- Safety first. While sensitive workplace conversations should be kept confidential where possible, you may need to share concerns if there is a risk of harm; be honest about this early on. If there is an immediate risk of harm to the employee or their dependants, discuss this with them and, ideally with their consent, call 999.
- Focus on support, not solutions. Your role is to help them feel supported at work, not to manage their personal situation.
Many managers feel out of their depth in these moments. And that’s understandable. This is where specialist domestic abuse training is key. Many also find mental health awareness training helpful to build confidence in handling sensitive conversations and understanding how trauma can show up in the workplace.
What happens next: Simple, safe steps
Once a concern has been shared, or even if you’re still unsure, what you do next should feel steady and considered, not rushed.
Start by following your organisation’s internal policies and speaking with HR if needed, while maintaining confidentiality. You can also access support from the Employers’ Advice Line, run by the charity Hestia. This isn’t about escalating unnecessarily, but about making sure the employee is supported safely and consistently.
You can also:
- Keep a brief, factual record of any concerns or disclosures. This must be stored in a secure place with the employee’s consent, and may later be used in a potential workplace or criminal investigation. EIDA provides guidance on best practice for the collection and storage of sensitive data relating to domestic abuse.
- Offer flexibility where possible, such as adjusted hours or paid time off for appointments. Ask the employee what they need.
- Agree on safe ways to stay in touch, especially if communication outside work may be monitored.
- Signpost to specialist support, rather than trying to manage the situation yourself.
It’s important to avoid taking action that could unintentionally increase risk. Do not attempt to contact the perpetrator or push the employee to leave the abusive situation. Let the employee guide and decide what feels safe for them.
A reminder for managers
As part of an effective workplace response to domestic abuse, including implementing a domestic abuse policy and training for relevant employees, managers should feel equipped to respond if someone discloses that they are experiencing domestic abuse. When you’re unsure what to do, simple and steady is often best. These small actions can help you respond with care and confidence:
- Do create a private, safe space to talk – Avoid rushed or public conversations.
- Do listen without interrupting – Give them time, even if there are pauses.
- Do believe and acknowledge what they share – “Thank you for telling me” goes a long way.
- Do respect their pace and choices – They may not be ready to take any action beyond sharing the situation they are in.
- Do agree on safe ways to communicate – Especially if their situation involves monitoring or control.
- Don’t investigate or ask for proof – Your role isn’t to confirm what’s happening.
- Don’t pressure them to leave or make decisions – This can increase risk.
- Don’t promise complete confidentiality – Be honest about any safeguarding responsibilities.
- Don’t try to fix the situation yourself – Focus on support and signposting to specialist support instead.
There’s no perfect script for moments like these. And that’s okay. What people often remember isn’t every word, but how they were made to feel. A manager who listens, stays calm, and responds with quiet care can shift something important: a sense of isolation, a fear of being judged, a hesitation to reach out.
Employers can play a crucial part in the whole-of-society response to domestic abuse. Work can be one of the few places where someone feels safe, more in control, and able to take a next step, on their own terms.
And that starts with a manager who’s willing to show up, even when it feels uncomfortable.
