Domestic abuse doesn’t stay at home. It follows victim-survivors into the workplace and affects their concentration, their confidence, their emotional stability and their ability to function under pressure. And for many, the impact becomes even more overwhelming once they enter the Family Court system.
While most organisations are increasingly aware of the prevalence of domestic abuse, far fewer recognise the systemic pressures and re-traumatisation victim-survivors face after leaving an abusive relationship - a period when risk actually escalates, not decreases.
In my work with thousands of survivors, I see a consistent pattern: workplaces often underestimate the complexity and visibility of abuse. Managers may notice changes in performance, reliability, or behaviour, but without the right understanding, these red flags are easily misinterpreted as capability issues rather than signs that someone is living in fear.
When domestic abuse looks like poor performance: a survivor’s story
One of the women I worked with, let’s call her Emily, was a strong, capable professional with an excellent track record. Over a few months, she began arriving late, missing deadlines and struggling to focus. Her work laptop kept malfunctioning; she submitted it for repairs several times. Her manager, unaware of the context, believed she was becoming careless and disengaged.
Eventually, Emily was placed in a disciplinary process The truth was far more disturbing. Her husband was intentionally sabotaging her life; hiding her car keys, locking her inside the house, slashing her tyres so she couldn’t drive to work, and removing keys from her laptop keyboard while she slept. He wanted her to lose her job so she would be financially dependent on him and easier for him to control. The business didn’t understand what they were seeing. They misread the signs. And they almost lost a valued employee because the organisation lacked the awareness to recognise what was really happening.
Sadly, cases like Emily’s are not unusual. Abuse often manifests as:
- Lateness
- Exhaustion
- Missed deadlines
- Anxiety
- Distraction
- Absence owing to “illness”
- Equipment issues
- Unexplained emotional fluctuations
Behaviours that may look like performance problems are often survival symptoms.
Why the Family Courts intensify workplace strain
Separation often does not end abuse, in fact it may escalate the abuse. This is especially true once legal proceedings begin.
Survivors may face:
- Repeated last-minute document requests
- Hearings scheduled or rescheduled unexpectedly
- Confusing or intimidating communications from the perpetrator
- Financial manipulation
- Child-related stress
- The emotional toll of recounting traumatic events
Even the most resilient employee may find their professional performance affected during this period. This isn’t a lack of commitment. It’s an indicator that the employee is under extraordinary strain.
Why survivors don’t disclose even when they’re struggling
Employees often stay silent because they fear:
- Losing their job
- Being seen as unreliable
- The perpetrator finding out
- Being judged or stigmatised
- Not being believed
Others don’t recognise their experience as “abuse”, especially in cases of coercive control where there are no visible injuries. This means employers must create a culture where people feel safe to speak long before they reach a crisis point.
What employers can do: practical, trauma-informed support
Employers don’t need to be experts in domestic abuse, but they do need awareness, structure and confidence in how to respond.
Here’s what makes the greatest difference:
1. Create a safe, confidential way to disclose
Private space, trained HR contacts, and calm acknowledgement.
2. Offer workplace adjustments
Flexible hours, remote working, paid leave for court appointments, adjusted workloads.
3. Understand the legal process strain
The Family Courts are overwhelming so emotional bandwidth is limited.
4. Protect confidentiality
Never share information unless essential. Never contact the perpetrator.
5. Provide safe signposting, not advice
Local domestic abuse charities, Independent Domestic Violence Advocates (IDVAs), helplines, and internal support.
6. Train managers and HR teams
So they can respond with confidence instead of fear or confusion.
The workplace as a lifeline
For many survivors, work is the only place they feel competent, valued, or safe. When employers respond with understanding rather than punishment, they don’t just protect performance - they protect people.
Supporting employees as they navigate their way through domestic abuse and the Family Court process isn’t simply the right thing to do. It reduces risk, strengthens culture, and saves lives.
By Sara Davison, aka The Divorce Coach, author, podcaster, domestic abuse trainer. www.saradavison.com
