In this joint survivor story and employer case study, we explore the experience of domestic abuse from the perspective of the victim-survivor employee and the employer that helped him find a path to recovery. This story illustrates the devastating impact of domestic abuse and highlights the crucial role an employer can play in their employee’s life by offering help and support when they need it.
Darryl Matthews’ partner subjected him to domestic abuse for a decade. The signs of emotional abuse became evident early in their relationship. His partner would instigate fights, become very aggressive, and would subsequently ignore him – sometimes for weeks. Formerly the life of the party, Darryl withdrew from his social circles, as his partner prevented him from seeing his friends and family. The abuse also affected him in the workplace, and he grew irritable and snappy with colleagues.
Darryl took several weeks of sick leave, during which his former employer made no effort to contact him or enquire about his wellbeing. He lost a range of wellbeing benefits, including sessions with his psychiatrist, as the company changed its policies. Darryl left his workplace shortly after returning from sick leave. He worked up the courage to leave his abuser and rebuild his life. However, his abuser maintained an economic hold over him, threatening to drag him into debt and demanding all the proceeds from the sale of their shared house.
“I felt completely numb when I finally managed to separate fully from my abuser. It was only when I learnt of his death ten years later that I was able to recognise my experience as domestic abuse. Before that, I had brushed it off as just a bad relationship that I needed to get over.”
The turning point: Accessing help at work
Darryl started work with a new employer, TSB Bank. He struggled with poor self-image and body dysmorphia after the abuse. He found out that TSB offer all employees private health insurance, including access to counselling. He called their service and immediately accessed unlimited therapy sessions which he continued weekly for five months. The therapy finally allowed the weight of abuse to be lifted from his shoulders, and his therapist encouraged him to share his story internally with TSB. Darryl disclosed his experience to his boss, who reacted with kindness and offered him support and flexibility at work. He wrote an article to share his experience and this was met with an outpouring of support from colleagues, many of whom shared their own experiences of domestic abuse.
Darryl reflects now on his experience with two radically different employer responses. “Help is out there. The support I received through TSB was life-changing. If I could change one thing in my life, I would have left that relationship sooner and asked for help.”
A manager’s perspective: when an employee discloses abuse
Kate Osiadacz leads the Responsible Business team at TSB and co-ordinates the internal support for victim-survivors of domestic abuse. A chance online conversation between Kate, Darryl, and an external supplier about domestic abuse in the workplace became the catalyst for Darryl to disclose his experience to Kate.
“Darryl told me he was proud to work for an employer who cared about him. You realise you’ve created a safe environment that has allowed someone to come forward. I had no idea that he was a victim-survivor, and I felt honoured that he felt safe enough to open up to me.”
Kate is vocal about her public support for victim-survivors, and her efforts to promote the visibility of domestic abuse both within the workplace and externally. She has worked with domestic abuse charities in the past, which equipped her with the knowledge to respond with empathy and not judgement. She tried to listen and provide Darryl with choices rather than giving advice.
TSB’s workplace response to domestic abuse
Kate and TSB’s Responsible Business team leads on the implementation of their domestic abuse response. TSB take a holistic approach to providing support at times of crisis, during recovery, and also in preventing domestic abuse. Over 70% of TSB managers enroll in voluntary domestic abuse training. TSB provide a flee fund and access to the personal safety app HollieGuard. Training is also provided to all customer-facing staff. They won the Everyone’s Business Award in 2023 for their outstanding commitment to tackling domestic abuse.
TSB also changed their policy to include private health insurance for all employees during the Covid-19 pandemic. Mental health increasingly became a topic of conversation, and the wellbeing suite included access to counselling.
“Expanding the coverage to all employees simply made business sense. We need all our employees to be fighting fit!”
Since launching their response, Kate and others at TSB have received multiple employee disclosures. By creating a culture of trust and support, they spur a positive cycle that snowballs into more employees seeking help. They receive feedback that colleagues feel nurtured and supported, which helps boost recruitment and retention.
“Darryl’s case gave us more confidence that our approach was working. His testimony provided a strong rationale for TSB to continue our work on domestic abuse. We have now created something enduring within the business,” Kate explains.
Darryl’s advice to employers
Employers have made huge strides in how they look after their employees. You don’t know what someone may be going through. Be empathetic in your treatment of employees and colleagues, treat them how you would want to be treated. Just by being kind you can make a difference and prevent further isolation. I apply learnings from my experience to how I manage others now. Look at your people and let them know that you’re there.
Darryl now works for Inicio, a software company helping consumers struggling with debt. Rachel Curtis, CEO of Inicio said “I was incredibly moved when Darryl shared his story and was impressed at how brave he was to speak publicly about such a tough and personal topic. It’s really helped increase my knowledge. The whole Inicio team and I are proud to have him as part of the team.”
